Change What You’re Looking For

We’ve all heard the phrase, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Why is that? Because that’s how things look to you. Other people may look at your life with envy and see all kinds of awesome things. But you may not see those things. You may overlook or discount them or may be looking for something else.

Whatever you’re looking for is exactly what you’ll find. That’s all that you’ll see and what will grow bigger in your life. You’ll exclude other things. The brain is processing much more information than what we are consciously aware of. Some estimates have it that the brain processes 400 billion bits of information per second, but we are only aware of 2,000 of them. It must exclude some things since there is way too many things for it to possibly take in or focus on. Sir John Lubbock’s quote, “What we see depends mainly on what we look for” says it all. No matter how well things are going, you can always find something that falls short of your expectations or falls short of being perfect. No matter how miserable you think your life is, you can always find something positive.

The good news is that you can boost your level of happiness not by changing anything external, but by internally adjusting how you see things. How do we change what we’re looking for? How do we see the splendor, the good things in our life? The answer is easy, and the day this resonates with you is a good day. What you do is simply ask yourself a different question.

How we feel at any given moment is a result of what we are focusing on, or what we see. What we are focused on is a result of what we are looking for. What we’re looking for is a result of how we’re evaluating things. How we’re evaluating things is a result of what questions we are asking ourselves. We are constantly asking ourselves questions, and whatever questions we ask ourselves, our brains always find the answers to. Many people mistakenly ask themselves defeating questions such as: Why me? Why can’t this place get their act together? Why can’t these kids get themselves ready? Why does he/she have to be that way.…?

To change what you’re looking for, start by writing out the answer to these questions:

1/ What am I grateful about in my life right now? Come up with at least five things.

2/ Then, taking each item one at a time, ask yourself: What about that, specifically, makes me grateful? List as many reasons as you can.

3/ How does that make me feel? Expand the word “good” as much as you can.

It’s a very simple but rare thing to do and can immediately change your emotional state. You could even be in a catastrophe and ask yourself, “What am I grateful about in my life right now?” The answer may be, “Nothing; everything is a disaster.” If you slightly tweak the question and ask yourself, “What could I be thankful about in my life right now?” then you’ll eventually get a different answer. Our brains will search all the files in the “hard drives” of our minds, or our subconscious minds, to find the answers. If you’re stuck, start with the basics, such as your health.

It’s very effective to use the voice dictation button that’s shaped like a microphone on smart phones and keep a running note going entitled “gratitude journal.” I dictate about 5-10 things each day that I’m grateful for and want to savor. I may not do much with the note file, but it changes what I’m looking for.

The truth is we’re all too blessed to be stressed. Too many of us don’t realize this and are only looking for, and therefore only finding, what’s wrong with ourselves and our lives.