Maybe, Maybe Not

In these uncertain times, it helps to embrace the uncertainty instead than letting it ruin the moment you’re in. What’s saved me a lot of anguish over the years is to keep repeating to myself, “maybe, maybe not.”

Maybe the schools will be on a normal schedule this fall, maybe not. Maybe my son’s will be able to play real baseball games this year, maybe not. Maybe this summer will be painful and full of boredom, maybe not. Maybe my 2 younger kids will contract type 1 diabetes as the oldest did, maybe they won’t. Perhaps a client is disappointed with me, maybe they’re not.

It’s effective to use at night or the morning, as our brains start to scan for danger and try come up with reasons why our lives are a disaster due to its negativity bias. It reminds us that we don’t know for sure. Maybe that situation will happen; maybe it won’t. It helps to alleviate the thought distortions of mind reading and jumping to conclusions.

There are just so many unknowns and uncertainties in life. We have to do a better job at being okay with that. It doesn’t do anyone any good to torture themselves and get so wound up and anxious over it. “I just don’t know.” Be okay with that statement and comfortable not knowing. Why feel the need to figure everything out in one day?

A helpful reminder is the old parable of the Chinese farmer:

A farmer and his son had a beloved stallion who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away, and their neighbors exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild mares back to the farm as well. The neighbors shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the mares and she threw him to the ground,

breaking his leg. The villagers cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all the able-bodied boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, still recovering from his injury. Friends shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

The lesson of the story is, we don’t know what is going to happen; we just think we do. We often make a big deal out of nothing and create all kinds of wild scenarios. Most of the time we are wrong. So, was the pandemic all bad, or did some good come out of it in your life? Maybe, maybe not.